Party Ranch

Last night I had an adventure. Last night I went to a honky tonk.

Now really, this isn't a great story. It was just the fact that it was a honky tonk. Myself, Señor Marine's little brother [Baby Bro], a friend [we shall call him Hill Boy, as I have been told "hillbilly" is too offensive] and his girlfriend [Hill Girlfriend] decided to go. It was this pretty ghetto looking pole barn just off base, and we had been curious what it was like. After all, it is named Party Ranch. It was, as Hill Boy described it, "if Disney had a western themed dive bar."

When we arrived, we immediately realized we were out of our element. For starters, none of us were wearing Mossy Oak camo. Myself and Hill Girlfriend were not wearing anything sparkly. (This was an oversight on my part - my first week here, a waitress at a local steakhouse told me if I wanted to fit in here, I need to buy myself a "party belt." A "party belt" is just an explosion of glitter and sparkle that you wear to honky tonks, apparently).

I also happened to be wearing my new military-issued glasses, in a weak attempt to try to get used to them. My vision is 20/25, mind you, but I am required to have 20/20 vision for my job. At Kae's request, here is the picture:

Instagramed and everything, for Kae's hipster pleasure

That is not a face that easily fits in at a honky tonk.

After listening to the local country band a little bit (who were actually pretty good), we decided to play pool against each other. In the midst of our intense pool game, a random guy came over and stood next to Hill Girlfriend. And when I say next to, I mean pressed up against. Hill Boy of course saw this, and froze with his pool cue above the edge of the table, like he was going to break it and start swinging it through the air at the random redneck. According to Hill Girlfriend, this is was the conversation that happened next:

Redneck: "Hola."

Hill Girlfriend: "Sorry, I speak English."

Redneck: "Oh good. Me too. I was just making sure you were American." (none of us quite got the redneck logic in that statement)

Hill Girlfriend: "I also speak Korean."

Redneck: "I don't."(Upset by the un-Americanness of this, he walks away)

As he was walking away, he stopped at me next. He took one look down at my military glasses and turned to Baby Bro who was next to me. He shook Baby Bro's hand and wished him luck. Then Redneck lurched away.

Really, that was the extent of the night. Hill Girlfriend wanted to get pictures of us in front of every fake Western storefront that was put up around this honky tonk, but the lighting was too bad. She and I really wanted a picture in front of the barber storefront, with razors to the boys' necks. Alas, maybe at the next honky tonk.

So that was my night. Now I am going to spend the next few days sitting around bored, waiting for Señor Marine to get here on Thanksgiving. As promised, he has supplied a picture of the horror that is his mustache:

I will still try to love him as I would a human husband.

For my music selection today, I chose the song that has been on the top of my most played list on iTunes since its debut about three years ago. Swim Until You Can't See Land

Bee out.

The mediocre return of Kae and Bee!

I don't know why Kae hasn't been holding up the blog during my internet-less, motivation-less stretch. It's not like she has things to keep her busy, like I do. She just has five screaming, running, fighting, adorable little leeches to chase after. Jeez.

Anyway, as a recap in what has happened over our month-long hiatus: Um, nothing. I have been sweltering and wilting in the heat of my new home. I moved across base. Señor Marine stopped to visit on his way to his new home, still partially across the country from me. And that was about it for me.

I stopped my bedazzling adventures for the time being, but mostly because I have nothing left to bedazzle. I wore those blue high heels, and I was paralyzed for a couple days afterwards. I wore them out the first night Señor Marine came to visit, and he ended up carrying me home. Literally carrying me. I had bruises and blisters galore. They will not be making another appearance until they apologize and get some nice cushioning insoles installed.

Also, much to the dismay of Kae and the rest of the world, I have been watching Say Yes to the Dress almost non-stop. When Señor Marine reminded me that I don't have a need to watch it, we had the following conversation:

Me: "It's like if you were to go to a strip club. You have the perfect model woman already, but sometimes it's fun to look."
Señor: "So this means you want me to go to strip clubs? I don't want to. I'm confused."
Me: "No. You can't. Ever."
Señor: "So it's really not like strip clubs at all."
Me: "Okay, not at all. It's like a pretty actress?"
Señor: "I think you should stop trying to compare me to wedding dresses."

In other news, I made a scarf for Señor Marine, at his request.

As modeled by a friend

Now I just have to stuff the scarf, along with several other goodies into a care package for Señor Marine at his new, stricter base. He swears he will wear it. I will post proof later.

And before I sign off: you have been hipsterfied (except they played this at BWW, so I don't think it counts anymore) And also, doesn't one of the dudes in the band look just like a young Woody Harrelson? Or is it just me?

Now it's time to go get some burritos for dinner.

Bee out.

One of those episodes where the writers are so lazy they just recap instead of thinking of new material

Some of you may have noticed how silent Bee's end of things have been. Here is a recap of things you may have been missing:

*Señor Marine is recuperating well from his knee surgery. Still no running allowed and he actually told me he misses running. Yeah, I think he's gone crazy too.

*I am now governmentally certified to be a badass in Korean. Next stop...some barren wasteland where bases are always fondly built!

*Señor Marine and I are now in season 8 of Stargate SG-1 and I still have no idea what my former psych patient meant when he told me, "dude, you don't have the clearance." Other than maybe, in the show, random conspiracy theorists show up and demand to know about the Stargate and they don't have clearance to be shown it. Or something.

*I saw Derek Jeter get beamed in the head during a baseball game. I was the only one who cheered.

What a baby.

*And just because I like this:

*Click here for awesomeness and pep. (and pretty much just an great song)

You have now been hipsterfied.

Bee out.