One of those episodes where the writers are so lazy they just recap instead of thinking of new material

Some of you may have noticed how silent Bee's end of things have been. Here is a recap of things you may have been missing:

*Señor Marine is recuperating well from his knee surgery. Still no running allowed and he actually told me he misses running. Yeah, I think he's gone crazy too.

*I am now governmentally certified to be a badass in Korean. Next stop...some barren wasteland where bases are always fondly built!

*Señor Marine and I are now in season 8 of Stargate SG-1 and I still have no idea what my former psych patient meant when he told me, "dude, you don't have the clearance." Other than maybe, in the show, random conspiracy theorists show up and demand to know about the Stargate and they don't have clearance to be shown it. Or something.

*I saw Derek Jeter get beamed in the head during a baseball game. I was the only one who cheered.

What a baby.

*And just because I like this:

*Click here for awesomeness and pep. (and pretty much just an great song)

You have now been hipsterfied.

Bee out.

Tsunami 2012

I called Aquaman at work this morning (9:30 am to be exact) after I was 3 hours in to a tantrum with Sassypants. 3 hours is kind of my limit. I pretty much just called to pitch a little tantrum of my own.

About 2.4 minutes after hanging up, Matilda told me that Pipsqueak had spilled water in the kitchen. All Over The Kitchen. There was no way any child spilled that much water. After a quick lap of me frantically swimming through the kitchen, bathroom, dining room, entryway, hallway and laundry room I found the source of our flood. The washing machine, not Pipsqueak. (He doesn't know how lucky he is).

2 hours later, after:

Specs told me "No thanks, that's boring" when I screamed for him to man a bucket and a sponge,

Matilda hauled bucket after bucket of water outside, dragged wet towel after wet towel outside, and moved chair after chair to dry land,

We saw Noah float by on his ark,

Lanky  bailed out the washing machine by hand to stop the free flow,

Sassypants tried to pitch a tantrum, but couldn't compete with the shop vac (Thank God for a vacuum that sucks up water),

...we were left with a stack of sodden towels and a muddy floor. Which was extra awesome because our adoption agency missed a piece of paperwork (a year and a half ago) so we get a social work visit tomorrow. Which led to another tantrum comment by me about what a crock that the social worker is going to see a clean house and happy kids tomorrow and will have no idea what real life is actually like. Thanks for your seal of approval anyway, lady.

But in the midst of our clean up, while I tried to convince Lanky that one day we'll laugh about this (he's a little less than convinced about that), I realized that wearing soggy pants and manning a shopvac in the middle of my flooded house was a better day than my best day working outside the home. Which then made me think that I must have had a string of pretty crappy jobs prior to staying at home with the kids. I love being a homebody/mom that much.

And I'm too tired and too vain to share any pictures of the current state of disarray. So use your imagination. I think it's covered in Genesis.

Links (not of the sausage variety)

Since no one is tending this blog (Bee, you have a computer and therefore could post. I know because you skype me from your computer), I thought maybe I would just point you in the direction of some better, more active funniness.

Camp Patton is guaranteed to ease your guilt about anything you do as a mother. Until you see what Grace does with were mad sewing skillz. Or baking. (It doesn't matter if she has skillz or not, she bakes at all and that's all that matters.)

Wit not Leisure needs to be mentioned now, before Mrs. Grey blocks me from her blog. (I used to think it was creepy to lurk on blogs, but have now decided that it makes me a bigger creeper that I comment on the poor woman's posts almost daily).

And if you're looking for celebrity news (because I'm willing to bet you're classy like that if you're friends with me), you shouldn't be getting it from anyone but Suri. Because she serves the news with a side of snark. And that makes me feel like a bigger person.

Maybe someone will own up to running this blog. Maybe.

Sisterhood

Bee and I had a phone conversation last weekend that went a little something like this:

Bee: "I keep checking the blog to see if you've posted anything."

Me: "I know. I keep checking the blog to see if you've posted anything."

In the background you could hear Señor Marine's pleas for a popsicle (he was recovering from knee surgery)

Bee: "One of us should post."

Me: "Yeah. Did you hear that Jessica Simpson finally had her baby?"

Long pause while Bee lets me know she couldn't possibly care less.

Me: "I think if we were celebrity sisters, we would be the Simpson sisters."

Bee: "The twins?"

Me: "Ashlee and Jessica aren't twins. They're just like us. An edgy younger sister and a ditzy older sister."

Bee: "I thought you meant Marge's sisters. The twins."

Me: "Because we don't shave our legs and are chainsmokers?"
Bee: "Because they don't really do anything besides stand around and heckle people."

And this is why you get such quality posts from me and Bee. You're welcome as always.

PS- For those of you who were concerned, Señor Marine got his strawberry popsicle.

Use caution while eating in the shower

If any of you watch 30 Rock, you will see the similarities between me and Liz Lemon. When I told Señor Marine that I made my dream list of languages to learn based on which culture's food I liked best, that definitely sealed the connection for him.

There is a certain part in season one where Liz has a nagging fear of dying alone in her apartment and no one finding her until her body smells so much the neighbors complain. I admit, I have had this fear my whole adult life. Even in the military, I feel like my absence could go uninvestigated for a while.

This explains why the other day, when I was in the shower eating chocolate (yes, IN the shower), and I started to choke, I probably panicked more than the average person. That's because all I could think about was that the neighbors were going to complain about the smell and then the cops would find me, naked and dead, in the shower. I did NOT want to be found naked! Or dead, for that matter.

As my panic grew, I continued my feeble attempts to cough out the chocolate and thankfully, up it came. That's when Señor Marine, who apparently had been yelling, "Are you okay?" from the living room, came rushing in to make sure I really was okay. He, unlike me, was being reasonable in his attempts to make sure I wasn't dying, and when I didn't answer, decided it was time to be concerned.

And that's when I realized, at least one person will track me down before I become a bloated corpse in the shower. Ah, love.

Seagull Rock!

Today I got the opportunity to officiate my friend's wedding. I find it personally a little weird that for this marriage to be legal, I couldn't just go do it for her. I had to spend literally thirty seconds online to fill out a form to get credentials, and then I could do it. Something is wrong with that system there.

Anyway. It was a beautiful typical misty day out. Señor Marine and I picked up Ocean Princess and King Neptune (names in honor of their wedding spot...and let's face it, Ocean Princess looks like beautiful windswept mermaid royalty).

We drove out to the giant rock formation on the coastline that they had chosen to get married on. The giant rock formation that was adorned with a dead seagull and surrounded by seals and their babies.

Baby seal!!!

Anyway. Once King Neptune and Señor Marine were able to be pulled away from the baby seal (which, look at it...it's pretty tough to pull yourself away from that), the wedding got underway.

It was a nice, simple ceremony. It was just those two, their two witnesses and Señor Marine, so I could have a date for lunch after the ceremony.

After the ceremony ended with the traditional, "And by the power vested in me by the state of California and a Jedi master..." They were married! Man, I feel powerful.

So off we went for some photo ops and then some completely delicious Benihana's.

Look closely beside King Neptune.

Classy.

 So that's all I got for the day. I'm so happy for Ocean Princess and King Neptune. Yaaay!

--Bee--

Bedtime reading

Every now and then, Aquaman and I like to jump on the bandwagon. But not until the wagon has long since rolled past and everyone else has hopped off.

So, right now we're sitting on the empty bandwagon that is The Hunger Games (the books, not the movie. Because we might actually be part of the crowd if it were the movie I was talking about).

Anywho...we are reading the first book together. And by together, I mean Aquaman reads it out loud to me at bedtime while I periodically interrupt to fill him in on 'how that happened in the movie'.

But we only made it through chapter one before Aquaman left for a week in the tropics. And I'm pretending that's the reason I'm feeling a little left behind. Not because I'm at home with the five cyclones and no root cellar to hide in. Nope, not that at all.