Now really, this isn't a great story. It was just the fact that it was a honky tonk. Myself, Señor Marine's little brother [Baby Bro], a friend [we shall call him Hill Boy, as I have been told "hillbilly" is too offensive] and his girlfriend [Hill Girlfriend] decided to go. It was this pretty ghetto looking pole barn just off base, and we had been curious what it was like. After all, it is named Party Ranch. It was, as Hill Boy described it, "if Disney had a western themed dive bar."
When we arrived, we immediately realized we were out of our element. For starters, none of us were wearing Mossy Oak camo. Myself and Hill Girlfriend were not wearing anything sparkly. (This was an oversight on my part - my first week here, a waitress at a local steakhouse told me if I wanted to fit in here, I need to buy myself a "party belt." A "party belt" is just an explosion of glitter and sparkle that you wear to honky tonks, apparently).
I also happened to be wearing my new military-issued glasses, in a weak attempt to try to get used to them. My vision is 20/25, mind you, but I am required to have 20/20 vision for my job. At Kae's request, here is the picture:
Instagramed and everything, for Kae's hipster pleasure
That is not a face that easily fits in at a honky tonk.
After listening to the local country band a little bit (who were actually pretty good), we decided to play pool against each other. In the midst of our intense pool game, a random guy came over and stood next to Hill Girlfriend. And when I say next to, I mean pressed up against. Hill Boy of course saw this, and froze with his pool cue above the edge of the table, like he was going to break it and start swinging it through the air at the random redneck. According to Hill Girlfriend, this is was the conversation that happened next:
Redneck: "Hola."
Hill Girlfriend: "Sorry, I speak English."
Redneck: "Oh good. Me too. I was just making sure you were American." (none of us quite got the redneck logic in that statement)
Hill Girlfriend: "I also speak Korean."
Redneck: "I don't."(Upset by the un-Americanness of this, he walks away)
As he was walking away, he stopped at me next. He took one look down at my military glasses and turned to Baby Bro who was next to me. He shook Baby Bro's hand and wished him luck. Then Redneck lurched away.
Really, that was the extent of the night. Hill Girlfriend wanted to get pictures of us in front of every fake Western storefront that was put up around this honky tonk, but the lighting was too bad. She and I really wanted a picture in front of the barber storefront, with razors to the boys' necks. Alas, maybe at the next honky tonk.
So that was my night. Now I am going to spend the next few days sitting around bored, waiting for Señor Marine to get here on Thanksgiving. As promised, he has supplied a picture of the horror that is his mustache:
I will still try to love him as I would a human husband.
For my music selection today, I chose the song that has been on the top of my most played list on iTunes since its debut about three years ago. Swim Until You Can't See Land
Bee out.
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